Empathy

     The definition of empathy – trying to understand or imagine another person’s feelings (Manners, Please! – John Burstein).   I always assumed that I showed concern for other’s feelings and had some compassion but as was pointed out to me a couple months ago, I may not be an empathetic or compassionate person. Hearing those words hurt me deeply and I was very offended by them.  However, I have to confess that being empathetic is one of the ongoing struggles in my relational life.  Sometimes, I get so focused on what I am doing that I simply don’t notice the other people around me.

     I do not respond well to criticism of any kind (yes, even constructive criticism) especially if it is delivered in a very demanding or authoritative way. I hate the feeling of being reprimanded like a child. I often go out of my way to avoid confrontation even when it might be necessary in my life at the time.   I respond better to encouraging words not harsh critical words.  This reaction to criticism probably has something to do with my legalistic background.  I am guessing that is why I was offended when it was pointed out to me that I may lack empathy and compassion.  At times, I know can seem like a very rude person but please believe me it is definitely not on purpose.

     While reading my daughter’s good manner books to her at bed time, I realized why I may appear to be unempathetic to other people.  I know in my heart that I do have some compassion/empathy for others.  If I see a homeless person outside a fast food restaurant, I buy an extra meal and take it out to them.  When I think of all the children in the foster care system or orphanages it brings tears to my eyes that they do not have a family to love them and make them feel secure.  Is this more compassion than empathy?  Not really sure.   Maybe, I need to improve and become more in tune to others needs and feelings on a personal level instead of such a broad level.   

      The Bible has a few verses that deal with empathy but this verse spoke volumes to me.  Colossians 3:12 & 13 (ESV) – “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive”.  Do you think forgiveness plays a role in having empathy for others?  My favorite quote by Toby Mac has something to do with being compassionate and empathetic:  “Believe the best about people. Pray for their short-comings.  You are not the standard.  We all need grace”.    For me personally, I would rather someone pray for my shortcomings instead of pointing them out to me.  However, I realize that sometimes I may not be aware of something and it needs to be brought to my attention.   When this has to be done, please point my shortcomings out with a kind spirit and with the purpose of helping me to be better.  Try not to point out them out like you are reprimanding me.  My prayer is that I will keep working on becoming the person God wants me to be in this life.  I pray the same for you.  Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.   May God bless you and keep you.